There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The power of my boobs compel you
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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