im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
