Your face is a jimmy john
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
