so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
