Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I will pee on everything he values.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
