hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
