I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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