I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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