I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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