I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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