There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
