Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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