it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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