My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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