Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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