No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize