I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
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Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy