god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
