seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
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Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
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Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.