Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
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I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.