That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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