I'm jealous of your bromance
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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