Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
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Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
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I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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