i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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