And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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