my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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