what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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