Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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