i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
