Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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