I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
