Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
