im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
