Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
