ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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