my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
