There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Randomize
