i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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