I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
