There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
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There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
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Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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