I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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