I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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