Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
