I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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