Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
my poor anus
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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