god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
