i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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