They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
