He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
