last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
