In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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