I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
