If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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