Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
