So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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