so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
