farters have to be the big spoon...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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