I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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