She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
