He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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