I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Boobs speak an international language.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
