all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
