no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
