we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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