last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
