areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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